drabbles and beliefs
Sunday, June 28, 2009
It has already been two weeks when i entered the University of the Philippines as a BS Chemical Engineering freshman.Well, what can i say?I'm enjoying it.Math17. [college algebra and trigonometry]Chem16. [general chemistry]Kas1. [kasaysayan ng pilipinas]Eng11. [literature and society]Socsci3. [exploring gender and sexuality]These are my subjects for this semester. And yes, i am enjoying every single one of them.Including my math17.BS Chem eng'g was my first choice but i really didn't have any idea as to what this field is all about. when i filled out the UPCAT form [that was before i went to argentina for a year] i was having a difficulty in choosing a course.i did not know what to take up.i thought that since i'm inclined to science, it would be best to take up something related to science.but i also love english. and literature. and communication.science and lit don't actually go hand in hand.i was browsing through the net, hoping that something would just appear... something that would help me in choosing what course to take up.then the field of engineering caught my attention.oh, i know about engineering and its strong link with mathematics.it is an intimidating field after all.among the subjects that i've known from elementary and highschool, mathematics is my waterloo. [well, actually, Filipino is my weakest subject but since it doesn't have anything to do with what i'm trying to say, let's just not consider it for now.]not that i'm THAT bad at it. it's just that i'm not THAT good at it either.i'm pretty average. i can say that.but the thing is that i really like excelling. when i don't excel, i feel bad about myself.a friend once told me that excelling is not everything. well, yes, i know that. failure, after all, is not falling down but staying down.well, let's get back to mathematics, shall we?anyway, math is my waterloo. i admit that. not that i hate math. i actually like it.let's just say that it's a sort of a love-hatred on-off relationship. LOL.if i fear math, it would have been better since it would be like facing my fears. but i don't fear math. it's just not my strongest point.and that is what actually pushed me to write "BS Chemical Engineering" on the space for my first choice. [aside from the fact that i love chemistry]math is my waterloo. but i don't hate my waterloo. so i thought, why not make use of that waterloo and turn it into a fortress?crazy me, i know.speaking of waterloo, i mentioned that Filipino is actually my weakness, right? but take a look at my subjects...i have KAS1.kasaysayan ng pilipinas.wondering why i enlisted in that subject?ever since my elementary days i disliked HeKaSi [heograpiya, kasaysayan at sining]... i dislike anything that has to do with memorizing all those dates. i mean, what am i going to do with this katipunero's birthdate after all??i enlisted for KAS1 because i just want to change my notion regarding kasaysayan.history has always been stigmatized. it has always been deemed as boring. but history is not boring.it is like a novel of the adventures of the past. a long, long novel, yes. but a novel nonetheless. filled with symbolisms and figures of speech and developed characters and intricate plotlines...i know all that but i haven't confirmed it yet.and now, i am going to.i can't help but think of the next ten years to come. the thing is that i don't know what i want to do with my life. i don't even know if i really want to be a chemical engineer.well, yes. i want to try being a chemical engineer. but for the rest of my life?i don't know.i just know that i want adventure. i want spontaneity.it just came to me that choosing what course to take up is one of the most difficult decisions to make.i quite envy those people who already know what to do with their lives. those people who don't waver in their belief that what they want is what they really want. those people who already know where their hearts are...i don't know where my heart is.well, maybe i don't have to know. maybe i just have to put my heart where i want it to be.after all, when you're lost, you just have to make the place you're lost in feel like home.you are the captain after all.
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i've always loved the vast blue sky
Monday, June 1, 2009
i can't believe i still cry too easily.i watched this japanese movie, Koizora [Sky of Love] yesterday. i wasn't really supposed to watch it since it was under the "drama" genre. but one of my favorite japanese actors played a lead role so... well... i thought that nothing can go wrong by watching drama once in a while.well. nothing can go wrong, actually.you just sort of... cry while watching.the plot itself wasn't anything complicated. it was fairly simple, actually. it was about two young lovers trying to stay together with all the hardships thrown to them by the world. or by fate. or, well, you get the point.that, in itself, wasn't anything to cry for. i know.but it wasn't the plot itself that made this movie a "tearjerker".it was those peculiar, trivial, tiny, seemingly unimportant little twists along the way that just grips your heart a teeny bit.well, as for me, anything that has to do with sacrifices and all that makes me cry.my mom's expression when she saw me sitting in front of my pc, brushing off the tears flowing from my eyes was just priceless.she was like, "what did that massive pile of electronic system and metals do to my daughter?"if it was any other time, i would have laughed out loud.but, no. i looked at my mom and i went, "mama... nakakainis. nauubos na yung luha ko dito. kainis naman."i know you're laughing, whoever you are. well, come to think of it, it was sort of funny. really. when my sister came home that evening, she said something about my eyes being a bit swollen.oh wow. how uncool.so i told her what happened. i told her the story. with full details.and, yeah, she sort of cried as well. actually, while i'm typing this entry, she's watching Koizora.and i reckon that the smudge of water on her cheek isn't just sweat.geez. after reading so many dark and disturbing manga, now i'm watching japanese drama?well, what can i say? it's basically the same as listening to japanese pop songs everyday for the entire fortnight and then suddenly switching to german punk rock without even a hint of transition.or it's like having a really long hair ever since your childhood days and then suddenly chopping it all off just for the sake of chopping it all off.or maybe it's like hating vegetables your entire life and then suddenly wanting to be a vegetarian.or probably something like having phobia with high places and then suddenly wanting to go skydive...or something like that. you get the point, don't you?most people wouldn't even dream of doing something out of their routine... something out of the ordinary... something risky and impulsive... something that screams "WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE!"...well, what can i say?i'm not most people anyway.xoxo
6:37 PM
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