an unsteady stream of consciousness
Saturday, May 30, 2009
NOTE TO READERS:
you wouldn't be able to understand what i'm talking about unless you read thefirst part of this entire "story". click on the link and see the may 30, 2009 entry entitled THE BEAUTIFUL END OF CHAPTER 3.
There was a flash of lightning, like some terrible sky serpent prepared to strike whoever is unlucky enough to look at it in the eyes.
3, 2, 1...
I heard the rolling thunder, sounding so much like a guttural growl of an enormous creature from underground.
A glance to the partly-opened window caused me to thank my own laziness for preventing me from trying to go somewhere today. Sitting in a comfortable chair in front of my beloved computer with studio-sized headphones on my ears [not to mention an ample supply of snacks] must be way better than being out there under the pouring rain with that terrible sky serpent and the growling underground creature running rampant.
Just so you know, today's weather is saturated with betrayal and resentment.
Have you seen that pretty little butterfly fluttering over the flowers just before the rain drenched everything?
Well, it's gone now. Just like that.
Big drops of rain pummeled the butterfly to death.
Yes, just like that.
Poof, and it's gone.
There are fragile things in this world. Beautiful, wonderful, breathtaking things in the world.
Beautiful, wonderful, breathtaking things in the world that are just plain fragile.
Like, probably, trust.
Such a beautiful word. How ironic that such a beautiful word that holds so many meanings, so many deep-seated values and concepts can be so weak... so fragile...
Just like the pretty little butterfly fluttering over the flowers, unaware of its impending doom, trust can be destroyed by one big drop of rain saturated with betrayal and resentment...
Yes, just like that.
Poof, it's gone.
Then, there was another flash of lightning and a peal of rolling thunder...
Let the terrible sky serpent and the enormous creature with the guttural growl fight each other to death.
Just so you know, today's weather is filled with thunderstorms of anger and vengeance...
Indifference is the strongest force. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it. It is the most powerful weapon that one can have.
It's like silence. Silence is an irrefutable argument. Stronger than any ad misericordiam argument, more logical than any ad rem premise, more powerful than any ad hominem statement...
Silence is irrefutable.
It can be wielded as a weapon but the real weapon, the true call for destruction, is what silence hides --- indifference.
Indifference is the real weapon. And like any other weapon, it is double-edged. It can backfire if wielded wrongly or if wielded by a weak soul.
This is a weapon that needs sheer will to be handled.
Halfhearted attempts in wielding it would destroy the wielder.
Another flash of lightning and a roll of thunder...
The two celestial creatures, locked in a deathmatch...
Yes, vengeance is bittersweet. Yes, vengeance destroys the avenger. Yes, Lestat of Anne Rice's novels said so himself "I have never had a deep interest in revenge. Revenge is the concern of those who are, at one point or another, beaten. I am not beaten. And victory is far more interesting to contemplate than revenge."
But then, hey. It's not revenge that i'm looking for, after all.
I just believe in equivalent trade. I pay my debts. I collect my debts.
Especially, if the debt i'll be collecting is for a close friend.
Measure for measure, as Shakespeare named one of his plays.
And then, I was wrong.
I wasn't looking carefully. The two creatures weren't locked in a deathmatch! they weren't even engaged in any battle...
the terrible sky serpent was streaking across the darkened skies, its blazing tail illuminating the shrouding black...
the creature with the guttural growl, invisible to the naked eye, was screaming with all its might to alleviate the heavy silence of the darkness...
I heard it, alright.
My friend has heard it as well.
Thank you, celestial creatures of the thunderstorm. A good show, that was. Spectacular.
A glance at the swiftly dissipating darkness caused me to thank the sweetest gods of the heavens and the earths and the underworlds for bestowing such laziness unto me that i didn't try to leave the house today. Well, if i had, it would have been a different story then.
[apologies!! highly unstable, unsteady entry. read mico's may 30 entry to understand what the hell i'm talking about]
you wouldn't be able to understand what i'm talking about unless you read thefirst part of this entire "story". click on the link and see the may 30, 2009 entry entitled THE BEAUTIFUL END OF CHAPTER 3.
There was a flash of lightning, like some terrible sky serpent prepared to strike whoever is unlucky enough to look at it in the eyes.
3, 2, 1...
I heard the rolling thunder, sounding so much like a guttural growl of an enormous creature from underground.
A glance to the partly-opened window caused me to thank my own laziness for preventing me from trying to go somewhere today. Sitting in a comfortable chair in front of my beloved computer with studio-sized headphones on my ears [not to mention an ample supply of snacks] must be way better than being out there under the pouring rain with that terrible sky serpent and the growling underground creature running rampant.
Just so you know, today's weather is saturated with betrayal and resentment.
Have you seen that pretty little butterfly fluttering over the flowers just before the rain drenched everything?
Well, it's gone now. Just like that.
Big drops of rain pummeled the butterfly to death.
Yes, just like that.
Poof, and it's gone.
There are fragile things in this world. Beautiful, wonderful, breathtaking things in the world.
Beautiful, wonderful, breathtaking things in the world that are just plain fragile.
Like, probably, trust.
Such a beautiful word. How ironic that such a beautiful word that holds so many meanings, so many deep-seated values and concepts can be so weak... so fragile...
Just like the pretty little butterfly fluttering over the flowers, unaware of its impending doom, trust can be destroyed by one big drop of rain saturated with betrayal and resentment...
Yes, just like that.
Poof, it's gone.
Then, there was another flash of lightning and a peal of rolling thunder...
Let the terrible sky serpent and the enormous creature with the guttural growl fight each other to death.
Just so you know, today's weather is filled with thunderstorms of anger and vengeance...
Indifference is the strongest force. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it. It is the most powerful weapon that one can have.
It's like silence. Silence is an irrefutable argument. Stronger than any ad misericordiam argument, more logical than any ad rem premise, more powerful than any ad hominem statement...
Silence is irrefutable.
It can be wielded as a weapon but the real weapon, the true call for destruction, is what silence hides --- indifference.
Indifference is the real weapon. And like any other weapon, it is double-edged. It can backfire if wielded wrongly or if wielded by a weak soul.
This is a weapon that needs sheer will to be handled.
Halfhearted attempts in wielding it would destroy the wielder.
Another flash of lightning and a roll of thunder...
The two celestial creatures, locked in a deathmatch...
Yes, vengeance is bittersweet. Yes, vengeance destroys the avenger. Yes, Lestat of Anne Rice's novels said so himself "I have never had a deep interest in revenge. Revenge is the concern of those who are, at one point or another, beaten. I am not beaten. And victory is far more interesting to contemplate than revenge."
But then, hey. It's not revenge that i'm looking for, after all.
I just believe in equivalent trade. I pay my debts. I collect my debts.
Especially, if the debt i'll be collecting is for a close friend.
Measure for measure, as Shakespeare named one of his plays.
And then, I was wrong.
I wasn't looking carefully. The two creatures weren't locked in a deathmatch! they weren't even engaged in any battle...
the terrible sky serpent was streaking across the darkened skies, its blazing tail illuminating the shrouding black...
the creature with the guttural growl, invisible to the naked eye, was screaming with all its might to alleviate the heavy silence of the darkness...
I heard it, alright.
My friend has heard it as well.
Thank you, celestial creatures of the thunderstorm. A good show, that was. Spectacular.
A glance at the swiftly dissipating darkness caused me to thank the sweetest gods of the heavens and the earths and the underworlds for bestowing such laziness unto me that i didn't try to leave the house today. Well, if i had, it would have been a different story then.
[apologies!! highly unstable, unsteady entry. read mico's may 30 entry to understand what the hell i'm talking about]
Y Y Y
deadman wonderland
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
"...if you're weak, then don't show your fangs..."
"...I just want to be strong... I want to become so strong that i could blow away what i am now..."
Dark, deeply philosophical, twisted stories have this irresistible charm that can captivate you from the start right down to the end.
Ganta Igarashi has been convicted of a crime that he hasn't committed, and sent to a new, privately owned and operated prison, where the inmates are the main attraction in a modern day twist to the gladiatorial coliseums of ancient times. Throw in a healthy dose of weird little girl, some new-found super powers, and a little conspiracy theory, and you have Deadman Wonderland. [from onemanga.com]
Ten years have passed since the 'Great Tokyo Earthquake', a massive natural distaster that sank over 70 percent of Tokyo into the ocean. Ganta Igarashi is an unassuming 14-year old middle school student in Nagano Prefecture. Ganta is an 'escapee', a Tokyo survivor of the earthquake, but he has no memories of the disaster and simply wishes to play soccer and live a normal life. All that changes one day when a mysterious man covered in blood appears outside his classroom window. The 'Red Man' slaughters Ganta's classmates, but strangely leaves him alive after imbedding a crimson crystal in his chest. Ganta's life goes from bad to worse when he is blamed for the grisly murders and sentenced to life imprisonment in 'Deadman Wonderland'.
Deadman Wonderland is Japan's only privately operated prison, built after the earthquake as a tourist attraction to help revive Tokyo. The prisoners serve as staff and 'entertainment' for visitors. Due to the heinous nature of Ganta's crime, he is given DW's 'death sentence'. A metal collar placed around his neck slowly injects poison into his body. The only way to delay his 'execution' is by consuming a special candy-like antidote every three days. Shortly after arriving at the prison, Ganta meets a mysterious girl named Shiro, who seems to know Ganta from the past. He also befriends a prisoner named Yoh, a kleptomaniac with a talent for locating things.
Continuing to profess his innocence, Ganta becomes obsessed with finding the 'Red Man', who may be somewhere within the prison, and clearing his name. In the course of his search, Ganta begins to develop a strange ability to control his blood. He soon discovers a secret level below the prison that contains DW's 'Deadmen'. These deadmen, like Ganta, can control their blood and use it as a weapon. Ganta is forced to participate in secret gladiatorial deathmatches called the Carnival Corpse against other deadmen, in which anonymous people pay large sums of money to watch. The winner receives a large sum of prison credits (cast points) and a piece of antidote candy. The loser, if they survive the match, has a part of their body, selected by a macabre slot machine, removed for research.
[from wikipedia]
Comments for this manga:
well, the series is not yet done but as far as i've read, this is a hell of a manga. eerie settings with a highly disturbing plot.. with a variety of creepy characters to boot.
neck to neck in the dark-n-disturbing-o-meter with Battle Royale.
i suggest this manga. but recall that it's under "Seinen" genre, meaning that it is actually meant for mature audiences. not really adults since not all adults are matured enough...
this is not for the faint-hearted though. xoxo
Y Y Y
liar game
Thursday, May 21, 2009
when i first saw the manga Liar Game, i didn't want to read it at all.
the drawings were not cute. not at all.
but the genre listed below its title intrigued me.
PSYCHOLOGICAL.
hmm... so, i decided to check out the first chapter.
and that was when i got hooked in it.
Liar Game has 73 chapters and running... [make the new chapters FASTER please.]
see wikipedia for details about the plot. oh, but i'm warning you. wikipedia's article on this manga is so detailed.
so detailed and so many spoilers.
basically, Liar Game is about an honest girl, Kanzaki Nao, who was inevitably chosen to join in this Liar Game. she was given 100 million yen right in the beginning. after 30 days, the Liar Game Tournament Corporation or the LGT will come to get the 100 million yen that they gave you at the start of the game.
you see, you have an opponent who also has 100 million yen.
and both of you has to return that starting money back to LGT after 30 days.
so, how are you going to gain money?
by stealing your opponent's money, of course.
if you manage to get your opponent's 100 million yen, then you'll have 200m yen. you give back your starting 100m to LGT and you get to keep the other 100m.
BUT. your opponent will have a 100 million yen debt.
that was Round 1 of the Liar Game.
anyway, Kanzaki Nao managed to acquire the help of genius swindler Akiyama Shinichi. he has just gotten out of prison for swindling a large multicorporation to its apparent ruin.
blah blah... he's not that simple though. his past is really interesting. not to mention he has a masters degree in psychology. he is downright skilled. really.
currently, chapter 73 is about Liar Game Round 3 Revival Round.
the manga tackles game theories, logic patterns, basic human psychology and all that.
basically, game theory is a branch of applied mathematics...
there. it's not so interesting anymore?
naah. it makes it all the more interesting. really. trust me.
all of the stuff they shove on to you will, sometimes, make your head ache. i mean, all those strategic plots and game theories and calculations and logic stuff are quite something to handle.
but you'll realize how interesting it is to mess up people's minds.
i strongly suggest that you read the manga.
you'll encounter several game theories and actual games that would, undoubtedly, perk up your curiosity.
you'll see several really messed up games like a 24-round Russian Roulette, a 17-card Poker game, a really intricate Contraband Game, Confession Game, Minority Game...
oh, and the game theories behind these games are all for real.
i was hooked. totally.
behind all those stuff, you'll see that one, if not the most, important theme of the story is trust.
trust and doubt.
trust and human instinct.
trust and self-preservation.
trust and self-sacrifice.
read on guys!
the drawings were not cute. not at all.
but the genre listed below its title intrigued me.
PSYCHOLOGICAL.
hmm... so, i decided to check out the first chapter.
and that was when i got hooked in it.
Liar Game has 73 chapters and running... [make the new chapters FASTER please.]
see wikipedia for details about the plot. oh, but i'm warning you. wikipedia's article on this manga is so detailed.
so detailed and so many spoilers.
basically, Liar Game is about an honest girl, Kanzaki Nao, who was inevitably chosen to join in this Liar Game. she was given 100 million yen right in the beginning. after 30 days, the Liar Game Tournament Corporation or the LGT will come to get the 100 million yen that they gave you at the start of the game.
you see, you have an opponent who also has 100 million yen.
and both of you has to return that starting money back to LGT after 30 days.
so, how are you going to gain money?
by stealing your opponent's money, of course.
if you manage to get your opponent's 100 million yen, then you'll have 200m yen. you give back your starting 100m to LGT and you get to keep the other 100m.
BUT. your opponent will have a 100 million yen debt.
that was Round 1 of the Liar Game.
anyway, Kanzaki Nao managed to acquire the help of genius swindler Akiyama Shinichi. he has just gotten out of prison for swindling a large multicorporation to its apparent ruin.
blah blah... he's not that simple though. his past is really interesting. not to mention he has a masters degree in psychology. he is downright skilled. really.
currently, chapter 73 is about Liar Game Round 3 Revival Round.
the manga tackles game theories, logic patterns, basic human psychology and all that.
basically, game theory is a branch of applied mathematics...
there. it's not so interesting anymore?
naah. it makes it all the more interesting. really. trust me.
all of the stuff they shove on to you will, sometimes, make your head ache. i mean, all those strategic plots and game theories and calculations and logic stuff are quite something to handle.
but you'll realize how interesting it is to mess up people's minds.
i strongly suggest that you read the manga.
you'll encounter several game theories and actual games that would, undoubtedly, perk up your curiosity.
you'll see several really messed up games like a 24-round Russian Roulette, a 17-card Poker game, a really intricate Contraband Game, Confession Game, Minority Game...
oh, and the game theories behind these games are all for real.
i was hooked. totally.
behind all those stuff, you'll see that one, if not the most, important theme of the story is trust.
trust and doubt.
trust and human instinct.
trust and self-preservation.
trust and self-sacrifice.
read on guys!
Y Y Y
cuddly rabbits for execution
Saturday, May 16, 2009
these are the first three pages of that horror manga "Doubt"...
look how cute the rabbits were! uh.. i mean to say, are.
look how cute the rabbits were! uh.. i mean to say, are.
Y Y Y
RABBIT DOUBT
Thursday, May 14, 2009
since i haven't bought Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange and/or Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being yet, i spent my oh-so-much free time reading whatever manga i can see...
we-ell. the manga Codebreaker wasn't completed yet and i would have to wait for a week for the next chapter. it just so happened that i came across this particular manga with this intriguing title.
DOUBT. or sometimes called, RABBIT DOUBT.
yes. that's the title.
and the first cover was intriguing as hell.
there were rabbits. cute, cuddly, little rabbits. i thought it was one of those oh-so-lovely shoujo mangas out there.
click.
next page: the rabbits were all bloody.
it was intriguing as hell. told you so.
Doubt revolves around a fictional cell phone game called "Rabbit Doubt". The players are rabbits in a colony; one of these players is randomly chosen to act as a wolf infiltrating the group. Each round, the rabbits guess which is the wolf as the rabbits are eaten one-by-one until none are left.
[courtesy of wikipedia.com]
uh-huh.
and, of course, since the genre of this manga is horror/thriller/psychology, it was already a given that there would be blood...
yes. there was blood.
that fictional cell phone game turned out real.
horribly real.
i was reminded of this slasher movie SAW. really.
there were decapitated heads, hacked off arms, poisoned thumbtacks, chainsaws...
and that seemingly central death execution method: HANGING.
the thing that disturbed me wasn't the gore. not the blood. not the carnage. not the decapitation and all that crap.
the thing that disturbed me was that the manga characters looked really cute!
i mean, the characters were CLAMP-ish, cardcaptor sakura-ish... and they were being hacked to death.
it was disturbing. imagine sakura chopping off tomoyo's arms in a killing frenzy...
told you. 'twas disturbing.
since i'm a great fan of nonconformity, let me hail this manga for catering to my unusual tastes.
i am proud to say that the ending was not what i expected.
it was unpredictable [unless you googled it before reading].
if you want some wicked sense of revenge, hypnotisms, bloody deaths, cuddly and frightening rabbits, sneaky wolves... with cute manga drawings to boot... i recommend this manga.
20 chapters. completed. it IS short.
not that complicated though. but it is dark, let me remind you.
one regret though. it left me with this odd sense of emptiness...
hmm...
off topic: "someone" suggested that i make a forum about that "shades of gray morality" stuff...
maybe i would. i'm not yet over it anyway. and it is a good topic after all.
signing off for now.
we-ell. the manga Codebreaker wasn't completed yet and i would have to wait for a week for the next chapter. it just so happened that i came across this particular manga with this intriguing title.
DOUBT. or sometimes called, RABBIT DOUBT.
yes. that's the title.
and the first cover was intriguing as hell.
there were rabbits. cute, cuddly, little rabbits. i thought it was one of those oh-so-lovely shoujo mangas out there.
click.
next page: the rabbits were all bloody.
it was intriguing as hell. told you so.
Doubt revolves around a fictional cell phone game called "Rabbit Doubt". The players are rabbits in a colony; one of these players is randomly chosen to act as a wolf infiltrating the group. Each round, the rabbits guess which is the wolf as the rabbits are eaten one-by-one until none are left.
[courtesy of wikipedia.com]
uh-huh.
and, of course, since the genre of this manga is horror/thriller/psychology, it was already a given that there would be blood...
yes. there was blood.
that fictional cell phone game turned out real.
horribly real.
i was reminded of this slasher movie SAW. really.
there were decapitated heads, hacked off arms, poisoned thumbtacks, chainsaws...
and that seemingly central death execution method: HANGING.
the thing that disturbed me wasn't the gore. not the blood. not the carnage. not the decapitation and all that crap.
the thing that disturbed me was that the manga characters looked really cute!
i mean, the characters were CLAMP-ish, cardcaptor sakura-ish... and they were being hacked to death.
it was disturbing. imagine sakura chopping off tomoyo's arms in a killing frenzy...
told you. 'twas disturbing.
since i'm a great fan of nonconformity, let me hail this manga for catering to my unusual tastes.
i am proud to say that the ending was not what i expected.
it was unpredictable [unless you googled it before reading].
if you want some wicked sense of revenge, hypnotisms, bloody deaths, cuddly and frightening rabbits, sneaky wolves... with cute manga drawings to boot... i recommend this manga.
20 chapters. completed. it IS short.
not that complicated though. but it is dark, let me remind you.
one regret though. it left me with this odd sense of emptiness...
hmm...
off topic: "someone" suggested that i make a forum about that "shades of gray morality" stuff...
maybe i would. i'm not yet over it anyway. and it is a good topic after all.
signing off for now.
Y Y Y
codebreaker
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
an eye for an eye...
a tooth for a tooth...
and evil for evil...
would you kill a murderer?
that is the theme of this manga i'm currently reading. i was just browsing onemanga.com when i came upon this particular manga with such an interesting plot.
it's about this guy, Code Breaker number 06, whose part-time job is to kill murderers and all those "evil pests" of the world using his superhuman "blue flame" power.
together with a certain martial-arts-expert, justice-for-all, thou-shalt-not-kill, straightforward girl, they go on various life-and-death [yet really intriguing] adventures.
and the story begins...
would you kill a murderer?
i, for one thing, do not believe that morality is black or white.
it is in shades of gray.
life is important. very much, indeed.
but if you would be killing someone who caused so much suffering and pains to so many people, would that be wrong?
if you would be getting rid of vile creatures who leeches on others' lives, would that be considered evil?
"What constitutes evil, real evil, is the taking of a single human life. Whether a man would die tomorrow or the day after or eventually... it doesn't matter. Because if God does not exist, then life, every second of it, is all we have..."
-Anne Rice, Interview with a Vampire
all of those comic book heroes that we've idolized during our childhood...
they kill bad people, right?
they get rid of the world's trashes to make the world a safer place to live...
right?
superman, batman, spiderman...
the justice league...
all of them.
they get rid of bad people.
and that's why they're called Heroes of Justice.
now, thinking about that in a different perspective...
would killing a murderer make you a murderer as well?
there's this one case in the manga wherein the target was a filthy rich politician who uses human trafficking to get organs.
they cut up the bodies and all that.
there was even a man in there, already dying, telling our main characters to just kill off the f*cking politician for cutting up his daughter.
believe me, i was sooo in the mood of killing him right then and there.
if only his sick little daughter in a wheelchair hadn't showed up.
turned out that the politician was obtaining organs of rare blood types to find an organ that would match his daughter's.
tough luck.
and i was in for a battle of morality.
the politician realized that what he had done was utterly, terribly, horribly wrong. and in front of his superhero-comics-fan daughter, he confessed that he is a villain and that our Codebreaker 06 is a hero of justice who came to destroy him.
of course, codebreaker06 burned the politician to ashes.
there were tears in his eyes, mind you, but there's no point being emotional during such crucial times.
and then the little daughter threw her comic book to him, screaming, "even if he is a villain, he is still papa! you killed papa, you monster! i hate you! even if you're the hero, i hate you!"
now, again..
would you kill a murderer?
would you, even if it might make you a murderer as well?
humans all have the capacity to kill.
it's a primal instinct after all.
survival.
it's just that in this civilized order of life, we don't have the willingness to destroy another of our species.
as said in a movie once, "when pushed, killing is as easy as breathing."
told you, i was in for a tough morality battle.
read the manga. i'm not yet done with the chapters but i can tell that it'd be worth it.
a tooth for a tooth...
and evil for evil...
would you kill a murderer?
that is the theme of this manga i'm currently reading. i was just browsing onemanga.com when i came upon this particular manga with such an interesting plot.
it's about this guy, Code Breaker number 06, whose part-time job is to kill murderers and all those "evil pests" of the world using his superhuman "blue flame" power.
together with a certain martial-arts-expert, justice-for-all, thou-shalt-not-kill, straightforward girl, they go on various life-and-death [yet really intriguing] adventures.
and the story begins...
would you kill a murderer?
i, for one thing, do not believe that morality is black or white.
it is in shades of gray.
life is important. very much, indeed.
but if you would be killing someone who caused so much suffering and pains to so many people, would that be wrong?
if you would be getting rid of vile creatures who leeches on others' lives, would that be considered evil?
"What constitutes evil, real evil, is the taking of a single human life. Whether a man would die tomorrow or the day after or eventually... it doesn't matter. Because if God does not exist, then life, every second of it, is all we have..."
-Anne Rice, Interview with a Vampire
all of those comic book heroes that we've idolized during our childhood...
they kill bad people, right?
they get rid of the world's trashes to make the world a safer place to live...
right?
superman, batman, spiderman...
the justice league...
all of them.
they get rid of bad people.
and that's why they're called Heroes of Justice.
now, thinking about that in a different perspective...
would killing a murderer make you a murderer as well?
there's this one case in the manga wherein the target was a filthy rich politician who uses human trafficking to get organs.
they cut up the bodies and all that.
there was even a man in there, already dying, telling our main characters to just kill off the f*cking politician for cutting up his daughter.
believe me, i was sooo in the mood of killing him right then and there.
if only his sick little daughter in a wheelchair hadn't showed up.
turned out that the politician was obtaining organs of rare blood types to find an organ that would match his daughter's.
tough luck.
and i was in for a battle of morality.
the politician realized that what he had done was utterly, terribly, horribly wrong. and in front of his superhero-comics-fan daughter, he confessed that he is a villain and that our Codebreaker 06 is a hero of justice who came to destroy him.
of course, codebreaker06 burned the politician to ashes.
there were tears in his eyes, mind you, but there's no point being emotional during such crucial times.
and then the little daughter threw her comic book to him, screaming, "even if he is a villain, he is still papa! you killed papa, you monster! i hate you! even if you're the hero, i hate you!"
now, again..
would you kill a murderer?
would you, even if it might make you a murderer as well?
humans all have the capacity to kill.
it's a primal instinct after all.
survival.
it's just that in this civilized order of life, we don't have the willingness to destroy another of our species.
as said in a movie once, "when pushed, killing is as easy as breathing."
told you, i was in for a tough morality battle.
read the manga. i'm not yet done with the chapters but i can tell that it'd be worth it.
Y Y Y
dysfunctionality
Saturday, May 9, 2009
NOTE: i don't need comments regarding this post. this is angst-filled rambling. don't read on unless we're close enough or you're indifferent enough.
you have been warned.
--------------------------------------------------------------
have you ever felt extreme resentment and anger towards one particular person?
that intense desire to inflict pain just to let him know about all of the bottled-up hatred that you have?
ugh. yeah, yeah... hatred is such a strong word. I KNOW.
fine, then. let me use the word "resentment" for that matter.
*inhale* here goes nothing...
I RESENT MY FATHER.
*exhale*
finally. i said it. [or rather, i wrote it.]
i don't know when it happened. i wasn't actually keeping tabs on it but before i knew it, it has been piling up, higher and higher, ever since...
maybe, during my early childhood, we were close.[TAKE NOTE: were]
but that was waaaaaaaaaaaaay before.
now, if someone would tell me something about our closeness, i would have laughed my head off.
him and me? CLOSE?
oh. for your EFFIN' sake!
my mom told me that i should just understand what he's going through. that heart attack and all that.
yeah, yeah. but that's not enough of a reason for him to act like some sort of a moody, spoiled brat who knows nothing but to gripe about the world.
my mom told me that whatever he does, he's still my father.
yeah, yeah. since when?
he's just there for our financial needs. (not exactly. i'm fending for my own here. well, not exactly but something like that.)
c'mon, what does he want?!?
i've been an achiever ever since i was born. i've gained so many f*cking awards and so many f*cking certificates and so many f*cking medals AND HE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A DAMN.
not even a hint of recognition or congratulation or anything like that.
my mom said that he's just not showy with his feelings.
i said, the hell with that.
if his childhood has been f*cked up, that doesn't give him any reason to share that experience to us.
he trusts no one.
really. not kidding.
it might be that no one trusted him before. but that doesn't mean that i'm like him. he may have screwed up his teen life and he might be one of my biological parents but that doesn't mean that i'm like him.
no effin' way. never. nuh-uh.
he thinks that everyone's just the same and he focuses on the negative sides of people.
c;mon. who in the world would like such person?
in front of people, he is such a good, responsible, hardworker.
what can i say? he's a good actor.
i love my mom. she trusts me with all her heart and i won't give her any reason to doubt me. she understands what i'm going through and she's always there to fight for me. i may be a little stubborn and, sometimes, she gets mad, but i still love her with all my heart.
however, i really resent her husband.
i wish that she had gotten a different husband.
someone once told me that if my mom had gotten a different husband then her child wouldn't have been me.
if only i could tamper with the past...
speaking of parents and tampering with the past, has anyone read Palahniuk's RANT??
no?
read it.
and if that were for real, i think i would do it. [paolo, if you are reading this, CHEERS. i told you before that i was thinking of this.]
not to my mom though. of course not to her.
i think i would even risk the idea of her forgetting all about me if i could just give her the life that she deserves. all luxury...
again, ONLY my mom. not her husband.
i know all about my pride. i am proud, yes. and i'm proud to say that i am proud.
but, i also know the extent of my pride.
when i know that i'm the one who's in the wrong, i know how to apologize.
i told you, i know the extent of my pride. pride, not arrogance.
but if i strongly believe that i am right, then i hold my ground.
"...the truly dangerous are those who are fighting solely because they believe that they are in the right, and that's what makes them really dangerous..."
possibly true.
i'm not sure though. haha.
i can choose my friends but not my relatives.
apparently so.
because if i CAN choose my relatives, certainly my mom's husband would have been different.
i can say that i hate him though "hate" is a strong word. maybe someday, i would resent him enough to be able to finally use a stronger word that would suffice.
ever heard the question: friends or family?
i say, my friends are my family.
ENDNOTE: again, i don't need comments regarding this post. if you were troubled by my thoughts, i won't apologize since it wasn't even my fault. you have been warned from the start.
you have been warned.
--------------------------------------------------------------
have you ever felt extreme resentment and anger towards one particular person?
that intense desire to inflict pain just to let him know about all of the bottled-up hatred that you have?
ugh. yeah, yeah... hatred is such a strong word. I KNOW.
fine, then. let me use the word "resentment" for that matter.
*inhale* here goes nothing...
I RESENT MY FATHER.
*exhale*
finally. i said it. [or rather, i wrote it.]
i don't know when it happened. i wasn't actually keeping tabs on it but before i knew it, it has been piling up, higher and higher, ever since...
maybe, during my early childhood, we were close.[TAKE NOTE: were]
but that was waaaaaaaaaaaaay before.
now, if someone would tell me something about our closeness, i would have laughed my head off.
him and me? CLOSE?
oh. for your EFFIN' sake!
my mom told me that i should just understand what he's going through. that heart attack and all that.
yeah, yeah. but that's not enough of a reason for him to act like some sort of a moody, spoiled brat who knows nothing but to gripe about the world.
my mom told me that whatever he does, he's still my father.
yeah, yeah. since when?
he's just there for our financial needs. (not exactly. i'm fending for my own here. well, not exactly but something like that.)
c'mon, what does he want?!?
i've been an achiever ever since i was born. i've gained so many f*cking awards and so many f*cking certificates and so many f*cking medals AND HE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A DAMN.
not even a hint of recognition or congratulation or anything like that.
my mom said that he's just not showy with his feelings.
i said, the hell with that.
if his childhood has been f*cked up, that doesn't give him any reason to share that experience to us.
he trusts no one.
really. not kidding.
it might be that no one trusted him before. but that doesn't mean that i'm like him. he may have screwed up his teen life and he might be one of my biological parents but that doesn't mean that i'm like him.
no effin' way. never. nuh-uh.
he thinks that everyone's just the same and he focuses on the negative sides of people.
c;mon. who in the world would like such person?
in front of people, he is such a good, responsible, hardworker.
what can i say? he's a good actor.
i love my mom. she trusts me with all her heart and i won't give her any reason to doubt me. she understands what i'm going through and she's always there to fight for me. i may be a little stubborn and, sometimes, she gets mad, but i still love her with all my heart.
however, i really resent her husband.
i wish that she had gotten a different husband.
someone once told me that if my mom had gotten a different husband then her child wouldn't have been me.
if only i could tamper with the past...
speaking of parents and tampering with the past, has anyone read Palahniuk's RANT??
no?
read it.
and if that were for real, i think i would do it. [paolo, if you are reading this, CHEERS. i told you before that i was thinking of this.]
not to my mom though. of course not to her.
i think i would even risk the idea of her forgetting all about me if i could just give her the life that she deserves. all luxury...
again, ONLY my mom. not her husband.
i know all about my pride. i am proud, yes. and i'm proud to say that i am proud.
but, i also know the extent of my pride.
when i know that i'm the one who's in the wrong, i know how to apologize.
i told you, i know the extent of my pride. pride, not arrogance.
but if i strongly believe that i am right, then i hold my ground.
"...the truly dangerous are those who are fighting solely because they believe that they are in the right, and that's what makes them really dangerous..."
possibly true.
i'm not sure though. haha.
i can choose my friends but not my relatives.
apparently so.
because if i CAN choose my relatives, certainly my mom's husband would have been different.
i can say that i hate him though "hate" is a strong word. maybe someday, i would resent him enough to be able to finally use a stronger word that would suffice.
ever heard the question: friends or family?
i say, my friends are my family.
ENDNOTE: again, i don't need comments regarding this post. if you were troubled by my thoughts, i won't apologize since it wasn't even my fault. you have been warned from the start.
Y Y Y
insomnia
Friday, May 8, 2009
the title of this entry says it all.
yeah. it's already 1 in the morning and i'm still wide awake.
nuh-uh. not even a bit sleepy. not even one bit.
maybe it has something to do with the fact that i slept for four hours this afternoon..
or maybe it has something to do with me being in front of the PC this late..
you know what they say about computers and televisions hindering sleep.
i really shouldn't post another entry right after my UP enrolment entry but since i was getting quite tired of reading manga and watching anime, i reckon that my blog needs to be fed.
so here i am! the ever diligent blogger... feeding my ever cute blog. LOL.
see, this is what happens when the sun goes out and darkness shrouds the sky...
haha.
as i stand, exhausted, hungry, disheartened atop a giant stone
i can see mangled corpses scattered along the street
with maggots crawling, wriggling, feeding on the flesh-and-bone
i just hope that the gods to whom they prayed, they meet.
lol. just one stanza for you gore-lovers out there.
i might be sleeping soon. i mean, i might TRY to sleep soon. maybe i'll just lie down and wait for Mr. Sandman to visit me. he's always forgetting me. i wonder why...
yeah. it's already 1 in the morning and i'm still wide awake.
nuh-uh. not even a bit sleepy. not even one bit.
maybe it has something to do with the fact that i slept for four hours this afternoon..
or maybe it has something to do with me being in front of the PC this late..
you know what they say about computers and televisions hindering sleep.
i really shouldn't post another entry right after my UP enrolment entry but since i was getting quite tired of reading manga and watching anime, i reckon that my blog needs to be fed.
so here i am! the ever diligent blogger... feeding my ever cute blog. LOL.
see, this is what happens when the sun goes out and darkness shrouds the sky...
haha.
as i stand, exhausted, hungry, disheartened atop a giant stone
i can see mangled corpses scattered along the street
with maggots crawling, wriggling, feeding on the flesh-and-bone
i just hope that the gods to whom they prayed, they meet.
lol. just one stanza for you gore-lovers out there.
i might be sleeping soon. i mean, i might TRY to sleep soon. maybe i'll just lie down and wait for Mr. Sandman to visit me. he's always forgetting me. i wonder why...
Y Y Y
bonafide
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I am now a bonafide engineering student of the renowned University of the Philippines.
yay!
'twas good, actually. aside from the fact that it was raining quite hard today and i ended up like something dragged out of a lake...
i mean, yeaa, 'twas good. the upperclassmen were really friendly. my priority number was 8 so i was one of the first students who finished the advising phase.
and...
I GOT THE GE SUBJECTS THAT I WANT!
kas1, socsci3, and eng11.
uh-huh. i wasn't enlisted in any blocks but i got the GE subjects that i wanted.
*applause for me* cooool.
some say that UP students are arrogant and all that.
we-ell... when everyone around you talks about the statistics of the UPCAT, how good you are to be able to enter the university, how hard it is to survive in the university, how you're with intellectuals from all over the country, ad infinitum, the tendency is that you take it all in.
and, most of the times, it is the small details that hammer the point home.
everyone already knows UP, the state university.
everyone knows its fame. its excellence. its prestige.
you enter UP, you already have this certain mindset regarding the school. in turn, you already have a certain mindset regarding its students.
and you get this contemporary version of nationalism: UPianalism. [or whatever you want to call it]
today. advance registration fourth day. freshman year. first semester.
the UP people already started to induce UPianalism to the freshies.
not that i dislike it anyway.
it's good after all. you feel confident about your capabilities.
the dean of the college of engineering told us this morning that whenever we wake up in the morning, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and tell ourselves "I'M GOOD."
yea. it makes you confident. it makes you feel good about yourself.
and, yeah.
it also feeds your ego to no end.
not that i dislike it anyway.
feeding your ego time after time is good. humans need to feed their ego after all. it's part of life.
but if your ego is already well-fed... feeding it even more would cause an upsurge in yourself.
and you start to think that you're better than anybody else.
that won't be so good.
i mean, c'mon. you can't be better than the rest of the world.
and if you already know that you're good, then there's no reason for you think that you're better than other people.
you already are.
xoxo
yay!
'twas good, actually. aside from the fact that it was raining quite hard today and i ended up like something dragged out of a lake...
i mean, yeaa, 'twas good. the upperclassmen were really friendly. my priority number was 8 so i was one of the first students who finished the advising phase.
and...
I GOT THE GE SUBJECTS THAT I WANT!
kas1, socsci3, and eng11.
uh-huh. i wasn't enlisted in any blocks but i got the GE subjects that i wanted.
*applause for me* cooool.
some say that UP students are arrogant and all that.
we-ell... when everyone around you talks about the statistics of the UPCAT, how good you are to be able to enter the university, how hard it is to survive in the university, how you're with intellectuals from all over the country, ad infinitum, the tendency is that you take it all in.
and, most of the times, it is the small details that hammer the point home.
everyone already knows UP, the state university.
everyone knows its fame. its excellence. its prestige.
you enter UP, you already have this certain mindset regarding the school. in turn, you already have a certain mindset regarding its students.
and you get this contemporary version of nationalism: UPianalism. [or whatever you want to call it]
today. advance registration fourth day. freshman year. first semester.
the UP people already started to induce UPianalism to the freshies.
not that i dislike it anyway.
it's good after all. you feel confident about your capabilities.
the dean of the college of engineering told us this morning that whenever we wake up in the morning, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and tell ourselves "I'M GOOD."
yea. it makes you confident. it makes you feel good about yourself.
and, yeah.
it also feeds your ego to no end.
not that i dislike it anyway.
feeding your ego time after time is good. humans need to feed their ego after all. it's part of life.
but if your ego is already well-fed... feeding it even more would cause an upsurge in yourself.
and you start to think that you're better than anybody else.
that won't be so good.
i mean, c'mon. you can't be better than the rest of the world.
and if you already know that you're good, then there's no reason for you think that you're better than other people.
you already are.
xoxo
Y Y Y
pacman crushes the hitman in two rounds
Sunday, May 3, 2009
the anticipated Fight of the Century lasted approximately... four minutes.
manny pacquiao vs ricky hatton.
filipino "hero" pacman versus the british hitman.
and everyone thought that it was going to be some sort of a legendary battle between those two fighters...
and then the legendary battle lasted for TWO ROUNDS.
four minutes, give or take.
two minutes per round.
the Hitman was already lying sprawled on the canvas just a few seconds before round two officially ended.
he was basically mauled by Pacman.
Pacman was continuously giving his opponent right hooks, right hooks...
but it was the left hook that got the british boxer biting the dust. [yay. alliteration. haha.]
what a waste.
everyone was anticipating for that match!
they could have made it to last longer than two effing rounds, at the very least.
not that i don't agree with the idea of "hit fast and hit strong."
it's just that the people were quite disappointed that the supposed legendary match ended in aproximately four minutes...
hit fast.
and hit strong.
quite true.
the first knocks are crucial in determining the outcome of a battle.
or of a game.
or of a competition.
or of a fight.
or of even a brawl.
or of a match.
the Hitman was good. there's no doubt about that. he is one of those who were considered in the hall of fame of the boxing world.
he is good.
no doubt.
but he kept on using the same techniques. the same movements. the same attacks.
he was quite bad in the field of adaptability.
Pacman works on speed.
he knows he is fast and he makes full use of that ability.
i am not a sport critique. i don't know boxing that well. i am not even a fan of the sport.
at the very least, i am someone who can identify patterns based on observation.
and as far as my limited observation skills can tell, the Hitman works in a pattern-based manner.
the Pacman, on the other hand, starts the match using his own pattern.
THEN...
he switches to various patterns as the match plows on.
he makes use of his speed to deliver strong jabs.
and let's not forget that it was his left hook that got the Hitman sprawling...
yeaaaa.
i forgot one thing: CONGRATULATIONS PHILIPPINES.
kudos!
and, mister world champion manny pacquiao, CONGRATULATIONS. [you won't read this, i know. but congratulating someone has never been considered a crime so... why not.]
mister world champion, you already gained a legacy.
a good legacy at that.
you don't have to ruin that by getting yourself involved in politics.
you're already world-renowned.
the filipinos respect you. some people even idolize you. others scream their heads off for you. some even engage in verbal and not-so-verbal fights for you.
the legacy that you have is something to be proud of. and i'm certain that you are.
keep that legacy. protect it.
...creating something that will surpass life itself...
that would be legacy.
manny pacquiao vs ricky hatton.
filipino "hero" pacman versus the british hitman.
and everyone thought that it was going to be some sort of a legendary battle between those two fighters...
and then the legendary battle lasted for TWO ROUNDS.
four minutes, give or take.
two minutes per round.
the Hitman was already lying sprawled on the canvas just a few seconds before round two officially ended.
he was basically mauled by Pacman.
Pacman was continuously giving his opponent right hooks, right hooks...
but it was the left hook that got the british boxer biting the dust. [yay. alliteration. haha.]
what a waste.
everyone was anticipating for that match!
they could have made it to last longer than two effing rounds, at the very least.
not that i don't agree with the idea of "hit fast and hit strong."
it's just that the people were quite disappointed that the supposed legendary match ended in aproximately four minutes...
hit fast.
and hit strong.
quite true.
the first knocks are crucial in determining the outcome of a battle.
or of a game.
or of a competition.
or of a fight.
or of even a brawl.
or of a match.
the Hitman was good. there's no doubt about that. he is one of those who were considered in the hall of fame of the boxing world.
he is good.
no doubt.
but he kept on using the same techniques. the same movements. the same attacks.
he was quite bad in the field of adaptability.
Pacman works on speed.
he knows he is fast and he makes full use of that ability.
i am not a sport critique. i don't know boxing that well. i am not even a fan of the sport.
at the very least, i am someone who can identify patterns based on observation.
and as far as my limited observation skills can tell, the Hitman works in a pattern-based manner.
the Pacman, on the other hand, starts the match using his own pattern.
THEN...
he switches to various patterns as the match plows on.
he makes use of his speed to deliver strong jabs.
and let's not forget that it was his left hook that got the Hitman sprawling...
yeaaaa.
i forgot one thing: CONGRATULATIONS PHILIPPINES.
kudos!
and, mister world champion manny pacquiao, CONGRATULATIONS. [you won't read this, i know. but congratulating someone has never been considered a crime so... why not.]
mister world champion, you already gained a legacy.
a good legacy at that.
you don't have to ruin that by getting yourself involved in politics.
you're already world-renowned.
the filipinos respect you. some people even idolize you. others scream their heads off for you. some even engage in verbal and not-so-verbal fights for you.
the legacy that you have is something to be proud of. and i'm certain that you are.
keep that legacy. protect it.
...creating something that will surpass life itself...
that would be legacy.
Y Y Y
eight hours
Friday, May 1, 2009
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DEARIE SLASH PARTNER CARLA MIA REUNIR YECLA!!!!
time is relative.
it depends on your companions, your closeness with them, the rapport established among you, the interest that you have towards them, the depth of friendship, the fun that you have when you're with them... the list goes on.
eight hours could be dragging when you're with someone who doesn't interest you.
eight hours could be a torment when you're with someone you don't really like.
eight hours could be so much as eight years when you're with someone you can't stand to be with.
eight hours could be very exhausting when you're with someone you don't really get along well with.
eight effing hours is long...
but that still depends on the people you were with.
i mean, c'mon...
eight hours is still not enough when you're having fun.
eight hours is still not enough when you're laughing with your best buddies.
eight hours is still not enough when you're hanging out with your beloved friends.
eight hours is still not enough when you're enjoying your time doing everything [or even nothing!] with people you like.
eight hours is still not enough when you're with people who interest you.
eight hours is still not enough...
that is, when you're with your dear friends.
eight hours.
basically, that's how long the DEARS were together today.
ten to six.
eight hours.
eight SHORT hours.
i know... we-ell, time is relative.
i'm reiterating that.
celebrating the birthday of our dear DEARIE carla, eight hours i still not enough.
hanging out, talking, TimeZone-ing, videoke-ing...
even just walking everywhere and putting our already aching feet under more stress...
c'mon. when you're with friends, time flies.
okay. let me rephrase that.
when you're with friends, TIME SOARS.
precisely.
the DEARS.
yeaaaa. that's the name of the famous group of thirteen international idols who are taking the world by storm.
pop idols, renowned writers, versatile actors and actresses, public speakers, lawyers, engineers, programmers, broadcasters, finance analysts, legendary hackers, spies, martial arts experts, combat professionals, underground rulers, egyptian gods and goddesses, witches...
yeah.
you name it, we have it.
and yeaaaa. the thirteen international idols have been living for quite some time. no, they're not immortals.
they're called Elder Souls.
they may grow old and die but their souls have been living several lifetimes already.
no, not reincarnation. these thirteen people can recall every single thing that they've done in all of their lifetimes.
yes. they're THAT amazing.
i know.
and yeaaaa...
i'm sort of kidding.
well, i was kidding. of course. for crying out loud...
well, even if the story above is not for real...
even if the name "Dears" is quite corny and seemingly trivial...
i know one thing for sure.
i so love them.
and that's more important than being a legendary hacker or an egyptian goddess whose soul has traversed the limits of time-space continuum.
precisely.
Y Y Y
